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Showing posts with label resolutions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label resolutions. Show all posts

Monday, December 31, 2012

I am resolved


“Tonight’s December thirty-first,
Something is about to burst.
The clock is crouching, dark and small,
Like a time bomb in the hall.
Hark, it's midnight, children dear.
Duck! Here comes another year!
— Ogden Nash
From Collected Verse from 1929 on

Yes, we've finally reached that fateful day, the day when the clock takes on the aura of a time bomb as it counts down the final hours of the old year and points toward the new year to come with all of its possibilities.

It's a time for retrospection as we think of the year 2012, now almost finished. What did we accomplish this year? What did we fail to do that we should have done? What are our triumphs? What are our despairs? And, most importantly, how can we improve and get it all right in the bright, shiny new year just peeking over our windowsills? That's where resolutions come in, of course.

As I think about what I would like to do to perfect myself in 2013, several things come to mind that I might resolve. A number of them have to do with reading.

Read more classics. I have to accept the fact that there are more great books out there than I will ever be able to complete reading in my lifetime, but that's no reason not to try, starting perhaps with American classics. I read one Faulkner book this year and was amazed once again by its power. There are others of his books that I've never read. I've never read Henry James. I've never read Saul Bellow. I've only read a couple of Toni Morrison's books. So many... I can't wait to get started.

Stick closer to my diet. This is a natural, the resolution that so many, myself included, make every year. I just got good news from my doctor concerning my latest lab work, a good incentive for me to be ever more diligent for the sake of my health.

Take more birding trips. So many birds, so little time. I added a few life birds this year, but not as many as I might have if I had tried just a little harder. I resolve to try harder in 2013.

Spend time every day writing. I'll never win the Pulitizer Prize or write the great American novel, but I can perfect the small skill that I have. It just takes practice and dedication. Expressing myself through the written word is an important part of my life and I need to work on it every day of my life.

Be diligent in support of the causes I care about. The environment, better schools for children, animals' rights, food safety, reducing gun violence, promoting peace in the world, and so many more - they are all big issues, bigger than I can get my arms around, but I must do what I can. That is the most - and the least - I can do.

Learn more about photography. I enjoy photography, especially photographing birds, but I'm strictly self-taught. I could benefit from actually getting some classroom instruction on how to be a better photographer. Maybe this will be the year that I finally sign up for that photography course at the local college.

Read Louise Erdrich from the beginning. I just got her latest book, The Round House, for Christmas and it has reminded me of what a great writer she is and of how much I've probably missed by reading her works, helter-skelter over the years. I think it would be wonderful to start with Love Medicine and read all the way through The Round House. I hope to do that this year.

Read more non-fiction. I am addicted to fiction, especially literary fiction and I read it voraciously. Normally, I spend less time in the non-fiction world. My aim in 2013 is to read at least one non-fiction book a month.

Exercise! Yes, I know, this is another one that we make every year, but exercise is so important for the brain as well as the body that it is necessary to keep rededicating ourselves to try to get more of it into our routines. We are much too sedentary.

Read more poetry. Poets have special insights, a unique way of seeing the world and I need to take advantage of their wisdom. I have my favorites that I return to from time to time, but this year I will make more of an effort to branch out, to get to know new poets and see what they have to teach me.

Be a better friend. I'm really not a good friend, too selfish, I think, but this year I am going to try my hardest to do better for all the people that I love. We all need a friend, but, as our mothers always told us, to have a friend you must first be a friend. Maybe it's not too late for me to put into practice the wisdom of my mother's words.

Let us hope that 2013 will finally be the year when we put all of our good intentions into practice!

HAPPY NEW  YEAR!!!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Resolved: No more self-flagellation

It's that time of year when everyone resolves to start eating right and exercising and to lose ten pounds. Or a hundred, as the case may be. I, on the other hand, have made only one resolution for 2011. It is, quite simply, that I will stop beating up on myself.

You see, I am my own worst critic. And, yes, I can just hear someone out there - maybe several someones - saying, "Not while I am alive!" But, no, I really am. Always have been for as long as I can remember. I'm not sure why that should be true or what made me this way, but I forever criticize and second-guess myself and blame myself for failures. Failures of relationships, failures in my career, personal shortcomings...you name it. I've agonized over it, shed tears over it, wished that I could take it all back. But I can't.

My Epiphany came three days early this year. Today I finally realized the past is past. It's over. I can't change what has happened. I can only learn from it and try to do better in the future.

It's not that I'm a bad person. I have never gone around deliberately hurting people or animals or causing havoc in the lives of others. In fact, I'm a pretty good person, a moral person. My intentions are to always do what is right and just and honorable. If I sometimes fall short in the execution of those intentions, it is because I am human.

And so, for 2011, I have decided to quit dwelling on the past and just forgive myself for everything and move on. A new year and a new slate. When, on some future sleepless night, I start to slip back into my old habits of recrimination against myself, I will remind myself, "That was the old me. I've stopped all that. I did the best that I could - the best that I knew how to do at the time and I WILL NOT second-guess myself!"

I think that I am not the only one who needs to make this resolution. How much precious time do we waste in reliving the past and replaying those hurtful scenes in our heads, in judging and finding ourselves wanting? To be self-aware, to regret our mistakes is one thing, but to wallow in them and allow regret to rule our lives is not healthy and not helpful. We wouldn't do that to anyone that we loved. Why do we do it to ourselves?

If you are one of those people, one of my fellow sufferers, I invite you to make this resolution along with me. Make it and mean it! Forgive yourself and move on.

There. I feel ten pounds lighter already.